Exhausted, I sat in the car waiting for distance to home move from 20 km to 0 km. When you are in a car & the traffic on the road doesn’t move, there is very little left to do! And despite the exhaustion, my mind decided to take a trip of it’s own. It wandered through all the days that had passed by in the last 2 years. And it started sending signals of comparison – my last 2 years & my coming years. The contrast was as stark as the song of fire & ice!
The first day I joined school, I was surrounded by a throng & I didn’t get time to do my thing. I was that shiny new toy which everyone wanted to play with! Today, I sat alone in the cubicle doing my thing & I longed for someone to hang out with. In TFI, you always find people around so you sorta get used to it.
I was used to being in a room for hours & not having a fan or even ventilation. Today as I sat in centralized AC, I felt like I was in Tundra region & I cursed myself for not carrying my dearly beloved – a sweater.
My days in TFI were planned to the tee & the infrastructure would derail them (no bathrooms, no class, no cleaning etc.). To ensure derailment doesn’t happen, I had to have plan B upto plan Z! Today, I was in a place with excellent infrastructure & yet had no plan!
In TFI, I didn’t learn any new content, yet I found the use of that content challenging (teaching kids what I knew but in a way they get). Today, I was learning about a completely new industry but somehow it wasn’t very challenging (I’m sure challenges will ramp up as time goes by).
For this one, you need context. There are 4 colors which depict different personalities viz. Yellow – dreamers, blue – task masters, green – planners, red – impulsives/emotionals. (You can read about them here) When I was in TFI, I was a mix of Blue/Green – because I had to be prepared with so many plans! But today, as I sat in my cubicle, my closet Red kept looking for a familiar face to smile to, longing for a friendly chat while going home or wanting great company while having lunch. And while all these thoughts kept going through my mind, I passed my school on my way back. That was when I understood the most important factor.
Last 2 years, I saw no one around me giving their best, so I tried to give my best to my kids – idea being making a difference in their life. Today, I saw everyone putting their best foot forward – idea being making a difference to themselves which was something that I have done myself for 9 years!
I think we are programmed to think/feel the grass is greener on the other side when we attempt something new! I was complaining about everything that was wrong about my school while I was in there. But today, I’m almost missing it.
It’s funny how our minds react to change…